What NOT To Say When Someone Gets Laid Off

So by now most of you have seen the previous post in which I disclosed that I was losing my job and joining the ranks of the country's burgeoning class of unemployed workers. First, I want to thank everyone for their concern. Because this blog was always intended to be anonymous, there is a very short list of those who are alerted to new posts. Other passers-by in cyberspace may stop in and of course they are welcome but I'm still hopeful that they have no idea who I am. Basically, if you're on that list I'm fond of you. Got it?

But here's the thing. If someone tells you they've just been laid off, you're allowed to be shocked but I'm not sure it's helpful to register the extent of how stunned you are. Why? Because I am trying to stay calm, people! And when you freak the fuck out, it freaks me out even more. It's like when a toddler skins his knee, if you play it down, they get over it but if you scream bloody murder at the site of his blood, he may really lose his shit.

And so here, are the true responses some of my lovely friends sent. They have not been edited and if you recognize one as your own, know this. I ain't mad at ya, but your sensitivity chip may need some fine-tuning.

1. Are you going to look for another job??
(umm, no, I was planning on living under the Westside Highway, it's so lovely this time of year.)
2. So what's going on????
(were 4 question marks necessary? and the answer is in the blog entry.)
3. Are you going to be OK?
(You're supposed to TELL me that, not ask. Hello? I'm losing my job in the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression.)

I know. I'm a bitch but I'm bitter. I worked my ass of for a full year on a shift that deprived me of a social life because I was repeatedly told I was building something. And I'm grateful for the experience but I'm pissed that I was loyal to a job when I could have found a better one with better hours. But on a brighter note, I want to say that even my girls in the aforementioned list are very caring people and their questions, while rhetorical, redundant, or retarded.. not in that order, were well-intentioned.

I guess I'm catty. But that's why I'm very good at landing on my feet, just like a cat. And I'm also catty in the sense that I have nine lives. And now, I am going to go watch "The Wire" because McNulty is hot and he makes me forget that I'm about to be unemployed.