I Can See Clearly Now

If there was any doubt, tonight's encounter confirmed that I'm cursed. Defying both conventional wisdom and common sense, I opted to give this guy a chance even though he didn't provide a picture. I know. I deserve whatever havoc fate and the Gods of dating conspire to wreak upon my pathetic existence. On my profile, I specifically state: No pic, No response. Yet, for some inexplicable reason, I decided that this would be the time I would be pleasantly surprised. It's incomprehensible to me but perhaps these details will help you help me understand.

In his first email to me he took the time to quote poetry, Longfellow or Thoreau, I forget or I'm ignorant, you pick. I was intrigued. Then he told me about his many businesses and how he divides his time between the UK and Australia,his penchant for good wine and long conversations about nothing and everything. Hmmm...

I asked, "Why no pic?" He said between his traveling around the world and moving from remote site to desktop, he simply didn't have the time or inclination to offer a two-dimensional image. Red flag. I was skeptical but undaunted and gave him my cell number. He enthusiastically replied with a series of heavily punctuated texts: "How are you today?!!! :) Hope you are enjoying this wonderful day!!! ;) "

Good. God. I thought, what is up with this freak? I told him to chill out with all the exclamation marks. "Calm down over there." My sister, in turn, scolded me telling me that Australians were by their very nature sprightly people and I shouldn't be such a bitch. So I apologized and got this response:
"Like a babe still born,
Like a beast with its horns,
I have torn everyone,
Who reached out to me" - from a song by Leonard Cohen
Thank you for the message... Umm.... Well I have to say that was like experiencing "baptism by fire", not too often one is shot down even before one takes off!.............

Fast forward to this week when his globetrotting brought him to New York. My mother begged me not to go. That was another omen. My mom is always telling me I'm too picky and even she was worried about what the phantom date would look like. We agreed to meet at Divine Bar in midtown. I walked in, he saw me and walked up and I prayed for divine intervention. He was so unattractive, it made me angry. This asshole deliberately hid his looks because he knew he couldn't bank on them. I know that's mean. I know I'm going to hell but I'm admittedly shallow. And still, I'm willing to settle. I dated a guy who had a huge mole with more hair on it than on his entire head for God's sake! I dated a guy with one leg shorter than the other and, quite possibly, a lazy-eye! But this one, this Shrek made my dad (who bears a striking resemblance to Saddam Hussein) seem like Brad Pitt. It was so awful but I stuck it out, swallowed the bile rising in my throat, summoned the courage and class to stay half an hour and pretend my low-key demeanor was more a symptom of my long week/day than the deflation that comes with wishing you couldn't see your blind date.