Somebody Shoot Me

The last 24 hours have been sheer hell. And all of it, is my fault. I created the drama that served no other purpose than possibly taking off a few extra pounds (the only good thing) and giving me more gray hair. Boston sent a text this afternoon that said: Mornin. Will be free after 2pm my time. Will call u then.
I was having lunch with my friend John and replaying the text spree that consumed me last night. I relayed the message to him and he said, "What the fuck? You don't even like this guy!" I objected, loudly, DO TOO! "The other day you said that you weren't feeling it and were going to cut him loose," he reminded me. That was before he became an absentee suitor. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or does familiarity breed contempt? Or is it both?

I moved about my day and came home expecting a call at 5pm my time- sharp! Nada. Then I met my friend Hyun at Bergdorff Goodman's at the make-up counter. One look at my downtrodden demeanor and she was all compassion and positive energy. "Oh, honey, he's not worth it. You have to learn how to hold things lightly," she advised as a very well-kept European woman stood poised to show her an overpriced skin cleanser. "He said he would call at 2, it's 3pm in LA," I mumbled. Hyun was annoyed. "Oh my God, are you making your roommate crazy, too? He didn't say exactly 2pm, he said after." I tried to busy myself by layering on different Laura Mercier body souffles. After the vanilla and creme brulee versions, I smelled like a bakery and that was giving me a bit of a headache in addition to a carb craving.

As we moved through the maze of shoppers and tourists, actually it was the horrid combination of shopping tourists who think it's OK to stop in mid sidewalk to take pictures of, what? The Fifth Avenue street sign?! Are you fucking kidding me? Unfazed, Hyun guided me through the throngs of people towards a place we could have dinner. We unwittingly landed at a Mexican restaurant in the dining concourse of Grand Central Terminal. We weren't expecting to be wowed and we weren't. But hunger overrode our internal culinary critics. By the end of dinner, she had provided me with a dating strategy that was sure to work. By not calling or communicating until Saturday, I could regain the upper hand! This lasted a whole hour. The following text history is, you know what? I can't even share it. One because it's way too crazy for anyone else to stomach and, two, it's not fair to him to have a personal conversation blogged so blatantly.

But I will say this. OK, I'll share an excerpt:
Crazy: I suck at these games
Crazy: this is why I'm better off alone
Boston: stop
Boston: dont say that
Boston: look i will call u in the morning and we will have a nice talk
Crazy: no, it's OK
Crazy: let's just chalk it up to a nice weekend
Boston: i will call u tomorrow
Crazy: I'm not playing by your rules
Boston: i dont have any rules
Boston: fine
Boston: i am not playing either
Crazy: This is entirely me, I get that.
Boston: all of a sudden it became stressful for me to talk to u
Crazy: yep, that sounds familiar
Crazy: again, all me, I get it
Boston: stop
Boston: look not here
Boston: besides i have to get back to edit
Crazy: Look, it's fine, really. I get that I'm neurotic. I just need to find someone who can deal with it
Boston: are we cool?
Crazy: sure
Boston: hmmmm
Crazy: I stress you out, I stress me out
Boston: i really like u
Crazy: anyway, I've said too much, as usual
Boston: i think you're an awesome person
Boston: you are soo cool
Boston: and smart and hip
Crazy: the text melee
Crazy: wouldn't have transpired if you had just said- I can't talk today
Crazy: I'll call you in the morning
Boston: then i am sorry for not saying that
Boston: ok look i really should go
Crazy: ok
Boston: talk to u tomorrow

There was a bit more but basically, it boils down to the fact that I've been miraculously granted another go at things with Boston. Now I have to decide if I'm going to keep on keeping on the crazy train or get off at the Patience stop. I'll probably have a brief layover at Patience then jump back on Crazy train. No I won't. I've learned my lesson. I hope.