I'm having an ethical dilemma at the present time. If someone who has wronged you, really made you feel like shit about yourself, your choices, and the fact that you're not in a relationship wants to come back into your life when they're feeling incredibly sad and vulnerable, do you let them in?
Fun Bobby has been relentless in his pursuit of a friendship since our most recent falling out in December. I won't get into what he said and did in our last encounter but those who know me, and him, and us together, know that he's proven to be a destructive force. But now, he's at another crossroads in his recovery. We've been here before. For some reason, he's decided that he wants to rekindle our friendship for the umpteenth time. I've resisted. I've been firm about my reasons why. And then I get this:
Hello you.
Just wanted to reach out to you and see how you are.
I seem to be doing ok if you are interested. Doing my step 4 which involves a "fearless moral inventory of myself".
So far I am doing my horrible childhood which makes me very sad.
I still have the adult stuff to come which I imagine will make me extremely ashamed too.
But once I have faced my demons I can move on.
Hope you are well.
Hxx
The thing about Fun Bobby is that he's an amazing man. Tall, handsome, brilliant and funny as hell. Plus, he's British so he's got that accent going for him. And even from across the pond he can tug at my heart strings. But I have to decide if I'm really as forgiving as I claim or simply a glutton for punishment.
3 comments:
Tell "fun" bobby to come back when he's at step 13. I've found that giving people multiple chances always backfires especially 12-step people who are crazy crazy. You have to reserve those forgiveness spots for people you can't get rid of like family.
People don't really change - I mean they change but their core never does. There have been some excellent studies done that look at the dispositions of people after something really good or really bad happens in their lives (winning the lottery, becoming paralyzed, etc.). The results basically concluded that after the initial shock of what happens wears off, the person goes back to being what they were. If an asshole won the lottery, a few months later he would still be an asshole. Same goes for a positive person having something horrible happen to them, after a few months they learn to move on and be positive again.
Of course this is for the most part and exceptions will always be present. So since I am like a brother to you I have to agree with little sister and say no means no. Of course I also don't subscribe to the idea that just because you share genes with someone doesn't mean they get to run roughshod all over you. Families have no right to be assholes to you just the same as your friends don't.
I think people are more complicated than just being assholes or being being good. That sounds a bit simplistic and nieve to me.
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