Inspired!... demoralized.

Is it possible to be inspired and demoralized in tandem? Yes, I think it is. I spent my weekend in D.C. at a journalism conference at the NPC. On one of the most riveting panels I've ever witnessed, I listened to veteran journalists who talked about how, through intrepid reporting or pure luck, they stumbled across stories that had historic repercussions. (For the news junkies: Mark Foley scandal, NSA wiretapping expose, and the sale of earmarks by congressmen to lobbyists.) This was inspiring. But that feeling was followed almost immediately by the realization that I had just agreed to take an indefinite hiatus from my network field producing job for a more lucrative and stable stint as a media consultant/prostitute. My colleagues tried to buoy my spirits by reminding me that I wasn't exactly covering momentous stories at my other job and I had chosen to take a "break" in search of saner pastures. Still, I feel a bit like a sell-out and am currently pondering a documentary project that will validate me.

The slew of responses to my last post have run the gamut from just barely stopping short of calling the guy a wanker to applauding his technique. For the record, I wasn't exactly hurt that he was "bored." In fact, I knew that wasn't the case but was nonetheless irked by his one-upsmanship. Anyway, things are moving steadily in no specific direction. This is a foreign concept for me. I've been told by both him and my therapist that I enjoy fast-forwarding to the last act. Now, I'm enjoying the journey that may or may not lead anywhere romantic but at least I'm relieved of the oppressive angst that usually consumes me. In the past, I've been quick to jump headfirst into a questionable enterprise with someone I'm not even sure I like only for them to hit the brakes and leave me reeling from being dumped by a bench warmer. I mean for the love of God, I could at least get kicked to the curb by starters who are commitment phobes versus Beauty and the Geek contestants.